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Friday, August 28, 2009

The Dictionary Lies

Honestly, I severely suffer from mixing the true definitions of words and making up my own vocabulary. Doctors say its similar to the other disease I carry of confusing the infinite amount of moolah I wish I had to the true amount typed in bold print on my bank statement. Then again, I refer to that envelope as 'junk mail.' So, as I was saying before that brain fart interrupted me, meanings of words...Merriam Webster. Who is shim? The word 'con' means fake, right? Take the word 'constipation,' fake shit? Please enlighten me. 1. On why someone would want to feel like they have to do the deed, but can't? Better yet, 2. Why would someone fake it? I mean I go to the bathroom with my phone to catch up on socializing at the same time I catch up on socializing. That's not faking...
On the other hand, what would happen if Mis/r. Webster misspelled a word? How do we know? Since I'm a leader and not a follower, I'd like to announce The Awesome Dawson Dictionary will be in stores 2099 right beside the followers edition, aka, every other dictionary. If you'd like to be first up for grabs you can leave a comment with your credit card number and a name and address where I can send a thank you card for helping me achieve my bank account bottomless amount.